Paciencia y Fe

I have to be the biggest control freak under the sun. So much so that I don't even allow myself to freak out when something doesn't go as planned or as expected. The more I live with this fact and dialogue with God about it, the more I come to realize that I truly have no control or say in what becomes me over time. The most I can do is keep peace, pay bills, and meet my responsibilities while God works in the background.

This realization makes me feel all kinds of crazy. Before I came to know Christ, I approached my entire life as a DIY project. Got pain? Take an aspirin and throw some ice on it; better yet, walk it off. Need money? Go hustle. Lonely? Get cute and go scoop someone up. Only now do I realize that I had little say in any of these things. I was healed because God saw that I was to be. I was supported financially (in more cases than a few) because He wanted me to be secure. He provided company for me, even temporarily, because he didn't want me desperately seeking an attention or companionship that I really didn't need. When I reflect on many of these moments where I thought I was at the control playing Mario or Sonic, winning the game, God came through to let me know that I was merely Tails...Luigi at best...in the lifepath that He's shaped for me.

With this understanding of my lack of autonomous control over my life, I have to be patient with and faithful to God's will. There are several things I want and pray about often that I think He does not feel that I'm ready for yet. But even in this, he is continuously providing, making sure that I never have want for anything. Some things can't merely be attributed to "luck", y'all; I can testify to this several times over.

For the meantime, while I take care of my earthly responsibilities, I'll just wait and let Him work. Who knows what is in store...


Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

It's late, I'm up, so why not...?

Haiku

I.

We dance breezily,
Lithe, as the wind catches hold,
Our shadows merging

II.

The eve sky foregrounds
Calming vermilion dreams
A glowing sequence

A Shortie

Taking on the pages
first,
I engage you,
as not to
phase you out.
I
have been here long enough
to stand here longer
to sit
wait
react
only in thought
or in keystrokes
indirectly aimed
at your heart.
There's a start:
Lazy lines of
energy via QWERTY
keying, thinking
I'm being bold. I'm
cold because
I can hold your gaze
long enough to
refresh your page
and see what
truths are revealed
about me
in a nanosecond.
I am legend,
known for my
wordplay
but this game ends soon,
with or without penalty,
I assume.