July

This has been a good summer, so far, because I've been forced to sit my ass down.

I hate sitting still, but the pulled tendons around my right ankle don't condone my restless nature. While I have teaching and grading to occupy me, even from bed, the peace of stillness has made me long for more moments of solitude and reflection (and trash tv and gossip magazines lol). I've literally gone within the month from privately bashing where I am in my life--confused by the shifting goals I've aspired to since 2008 and how many seriously ratchet people I've entertained this year-- and sulking about my inability to find a stable space emotionally, professionally and physically to grow to realizing that all of this is in fact a part of my growth and not to worry about what is or isn't there right now. Worry is not conducive to God's plan for me...neither is forcing, plotting, or obsessing over what I can't control. I can control the hours I work and the completion of my research to a point. But everything else, whatever.

In this mindset, I am visiting Amherst this weekend for a brief staycation. My motives for even booking this trip were rooted in my period of uncertainty, but now I am very certain of what my ideal trip will concern and what kind of time I'd like to spend with myself. Home has been great, to say the least, but the peace of solitude is surface-level at best. You won't see me writing this again, but I do miss the peace of Amherst temporarily, and the ability to disappear and pretend to be alone (as Jesus has been a constant companion). While there are folks I love and want to see, do understand that this is my trip and not a group weekend adventure.

I need quiet.
I need peace.
I don't need your drama.
Mine is gone.
I need beer and sunshine and nachos from the High Horse.
I need to write my lit review at Amherst Coffee.
I may need karaoke and a bubbletini.
I need to drive up 116 to see Mt Sugarloaf.
I need to stand alone in the rain at least once while it is overcast this weekend.
I do not want to dance, club or walk miles in heels on a bum ankle.
I will not wear my Crocs or ankle brace to a club.
I need a huge laugh while sober.
I need Vita Nova, but unfortunately my flight leaves at 9 am on Sunday. :(

Now that that's out of the way, I'm looking forward to my trip. And sitting still before the rush comes in September.

Here's to a lazy weekend...