It's been far too long...

Life is crazy.

Then again, life is what you shape it to be, from the blessings you are given to the choices you refuse or fear making. This period of my full 28.5 years has by far been the most fascinating--both enjoyable and intolerable at times. I'm growing, but I still feel cocooned to a point. I used to think that cocoon was Amherst, until I began to understand that I am my own inhibitor, stopping myself from emerging just short of seeing the light.

Or maybe it isn't time to break yet. I trust that God will let me know when.

I have had countless conversations about what is wrong with the world, what is wrong with people here (and what's right, sometimes), what is wrong with this town that lies behind a "Tofu Curtain", what is wrong with me. The answers I both receive and conjure on my own all vary depending on the multitude of perspectives I encounter and the particular moments at which we exchange ideas. I have noticed that more often, however, I spend less and less time considering what is right about the aforementioned things. To the point of keeping this blog introspective, I won't touch on the "what's wrong with the world...the people here" points, but I refuse not to talk about me right now. I need to, so bear with me.

I told my roommate on Memorial Day (while reflecting on the many moods we've both experienced over the last year) that it is often hard to be yourself in a space that is not conducive to who you were and who you would like to become. For me, I identify Amherst as my space of suppression. Having been here since I was 23, this is a space where I have come of age in a way I wasn't able to while attending undergraduate and working in my hometown. Reflecting on my choices then--even not having any qualms about uprooting myself to Amherst--I wonder if my older self would have chosen this path, given the same opportunities.

I can't answer that question, and I trust that God has me (and her) here for a multitude of reasons. If you'd ask me to list them now, I couldn't :)

I'm just trusting Him on this one. In any case, this blog has always provided an outlet that sitting with myself, praying, or talking to others has not allowed. So I'm back, after a brief, but intense, hiatus. One day, if I haven't in person,

I'll catch you up to my Amherst adventures, but I'm still processing a lot of them (LOL). Some things just don't compute (and shouldn't).